I have had baby H for a month now. One whole month.
It took a while. When people called me his mommy at first I would smile slightly and nod, but no part of me connected. He was new. This was all new. I didn't feel like a Mommy. It was such a weird feeling somewhat like a babysitter, but not even that. It was just the weird dance of transition.
But then something changed. I'm not sure when or where - but oh - this weekend I was just overwhelmed with love for this little man. When I dropped him off at daycare on Monday morning, I teared up, knowing how much I was going to miss him during the day. I AM his Mommy!
And at the same time, I watched him get carried away for his Saturday morning visit by his bio-mom at the park, not crying, just staring intently into her face. He knows her, even if he's not sure how. When I leave him with anyone else he cries - a new development since he has started forming a healthy attachment to me - but with her, no tears, just some other emotion. Confusion? Wonder? I'm not sure. But I watched him with her and as they were joined by two of his excited siblings. I am his Mommy, sure, but so is she.
I cannot even begin to describe the mix of emotions that I felt during his visit (his first with her since his placement with me).
But this I know - God is in control.
And as for H - he is a sweet, GOOD baby. He is still sleeping like a rock star, eating me out of house and home already, has a smile that stretches from ear to ear, and is still working on getting teeth #'s 3 & 4. (His first two teeth came in during his 1st week with me).
H is my little joy and Jesus is my sustenance.
And now I am acutely aware that I have only 9 days to plan H's 1st birthday - if anyone has some cute bug themed ideas for my little bug-a-boo, let me know!