Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Life with H

I have had baby H for a month now.  One whole month.

It took a while.  When people called me his mommy at first I would smile slightly and nod, but no part of me connected.  He was new.  This was all new.  I didn't feel like a Mommy.  It was such a weird feeling somewhat like a babysitter, but not even that.  It was just the weird dance of transition.

But then something changed.  I'm not sure when or where - but oh - this weekend I was just overwhelmed with love for this little man.  When I dropped him off at daycare on Monday morning, I teared up, knowing how much I was going to miss him during the day.  I AM his Mommy!

And at the same time, I watched him get carried away for his Saturday morning visit by his bio-mom at the park, not crying, just staring intently into her face.  He knows her, even if he's not sure how.  When I leave him with anyone else he cries - a new development since he has started forming a healthy attachment to me - but with her, no tears, just some other emotion.  Confusion?  Wonder?  I'm not sure.  But I watched him with her and as they were joined by two of his excited siblings.  I am his Mommy, sure, but so is she.

I cannot even begin to describe the mix of emotions that I felt during his visit (his first with her since his placement with me).

But this I know - God is in control.

And as for H - he is a sweet, GOOD baby.  He is still sleeping like a rock star, eating me out of house and home already, has a smile that stretches from ear to ear, and is still working on getting teeth #'s 3 & 4.  (His first two teeth came in during his 1st week with me).

H is my little joy and Jesus is my sustenance. 

And now I am acutely aware that I have only 9 days to plan H's 1st birthday - if anyone has some cute bug themed ideas for my little bug-a-boo, let me know!


  1. I always wondered what it might be like to develop that connection - to go from feeling like a long term babysitter to a mommy - through the process of adoption. Thanks for sharing part of that story!

    I've seen a really cute "very hungry catapillar" themed birthday parties that might work for your li'l bug :) I'm sure there are lots of great ideas on Pinterest.

    1. And I just realized your blog has no idea who I am! This is Rachel Price, from Johnson :) Love you, Abby!

  2. Hey Abigail!

    Do you need any blue-green pinwheels for decoration? --Danielle Flood

  3. We are always praying for you Abby!!! Love you, Nathan, Julie and Ema Holt

    1. Thank you Holts! I hope you are all well!