Excitement. Fear. Crazy running around. I couldn't focus the whole rest of the day. I was giddy. I was nervous. I texted everyone I could think of. I posted on Facebook (161 likes and 56 comments, to date). I kept thinking of all the things I didn't know about 10 month olds! I talked to his social worker and she seemed so nice and excited I was taking him. She'd been his case worker since birth and she seemed really fond of him.
My friend Emily came home with me that night and we cleaned, I bought bottles and snacks. We switched the furniture in the kids' rooms so that the crib would be in the boy room - all of which involved removing the doors from their hinges because I couldn't find my allen wrench to take the crib apart. I moved all the breakable ornaments on my Christmas tree up a few feet. We washed all the boy clothes I had.
He was to come at 3 p.m on Friday.
I stayed home that day. I watched a Beth Moore Bible study. I cried. I prayed. I giggled. By early afternoon I was so antsy that I went and got some bananas (good, basic, baby food) and some Chick Fil-A. I know some of workers and they could tell I was particularly high strung, so they inquired, rejoiced with me and gave me free cookies.
Let me just take an aside here and say I am still overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, prayers, and well wishes I received about this. WOW. God is so good to me.
2:45 pm rolled around. I was just finishing up my sandwich when my phone rang. I looked in the driveway to see if maybe they were pulling in. Nope. I answered the phone. The case worker, sounding very apologetic, told me that the judge had ruled that baby boy should go to a family member. The day before it seemed like there were no family members left to take him. I'm happy for him, truly I am - it's wonderful he still has family who loves him and will take care of him.
But boy was I disappointed. And feeling like my Chick Fil-A cookies were now undeserved and shouldn't be eaten and that I had cried wolf on Facebook and text messages. (I did eat the cookies though - I needed the chocolate).
A short time after I was called for a 2 month old boy. I was so overwhelmed and confused by so many emotions at this point. For over 24 hours I had been waiting for one baby boy. Now, I'm asked to decide on another. I asked for a couple minutes to pray about it. I prayed, I knew - I would take him. But my phone rang again before I could call them back (less than 2 minutes had passed) - a family was there dropping some things off, they were going to take the 2 month old baby home with them.
Roller coaster of emotions.
So here it is, 1 week later and I still don't have a placement and I'm feeling pretty sure again, that I won't have a placement until after I return from Indiana at Christmas.
Then again, who knows?