Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...

Here is what I have.  Time.  Lots o' time on me wee little Irish hands.

Okay,  technically they are German-English-French-Irish American hands, but that takes longer to type.

Which I've now typed.  But it's okay, because I have the time to type it.  Catching on?

After 3 months in the local office, my application finally (!) got sent on to The Children's Network.  Last week, I was emailed some corrections and additional papers to sign for things to be finished up with them.  Currently, I have no idea where my application is!  Children's Network?  Florida Baptist?  DCFS?  No clue.  Every part of me wants to email my licensing counselor every day and ask.  But I'm trying to squelch that desire.

When I was getting ready for college I never called the school once with questions.  Never once.  Didn't occur to me.  I just figured I would learn what I needed to know when I needed to know it.  Same thing when I moved down to start with NMSI.  I don't think I ever emailed or called.  That was just how I rolled.  I went with it.

But now, right now - it takes everything in me not to call or email every second of every day.  Outwardly I project calm.  Inwardly, the wheels are turning.  When am I going to get licensed?  Why is it taking so long?  When am I going to get a placement?  Should I get a placement?  Am I really fit to be a parent?  Can I handle all these changes?  Will I turn into a crazy-eyed monster without sleep?  This is what happens when you have time on your hands.  Too much thinking!

The reality is, I have no idea when I'll get my first placement and I've stopped guessing.  I wrote my first post in this blog almost a year ago.  I decided to become a foster parent almost 2 years ago.  I'm still deeply excited and deeply terrified.  The reality is that I will be heading back to Indiana for 10 days at Thanksgiving for a conference, my best friend's wedding, and the holiday.  Then a few short weeks later return for Christmas.  That makes placement (if I do get my license somewhere in there) tricky.  Realistically 2012 will probably not be the year I become a foster parent.  I'm boxing up my dreams of sharing Christmas (my absolute favorite holiday) with a little one until next year.

With all this time on my hands, I do sometimes wander into doubting God's timing.  Yet, I work in a ministry where I see God's perfect timing play out time and again.  I'm thankful for that reassurance.  As the old saying goes, "I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future."  Praise God for that.

And I'll try to limit my emails and phone calls.

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