It was never in my plan, you see. My plan was never simple, I have always had half a dozen plans bouncing around in my head. But mixed up in all of those plans was one simple hope - to be married and have lots of kids. Giving birth was part of the plan. Adoption was in the running.
What was never in the plan? Foster kids. Never. It was never even a consideration. It was too hard for many reasons. The kids came with issues. You likely have to give them back. No thank you sir, I'll take a cute little Asian daughter, an African son and a few rounds of 20 hour labors, please.
It's always interesting, when you tell God you'll "never" do something. You find your heart being changed to the point that you can't imagine doing anything else.
That's where I am. That's where I've been. Months ago I decided, and now I still have many months to wait.
I'm going to be a foster parent. That's the new plan. And because my left ring finger is still minus two bands of gold (actually silver would be my preference), I will be doing this alone. An unwed mother. The thought of that tickled me - since I always knew that would be something I would never be. My faith and values would never allow that to happen - and yet, God had another plan. For me to be a Momma to kids who need one, either short or long term. I don't know what each new day will bring. Joy. Sorrow. Laughter. Tears.
But my heart feels ready.
